To be twenty five and still without a driver’s license, one would wonder what’s been holding me back.  There are a few reasons why I currently do not have a driver’s license while most of my friends and family do, but the most important is safety.  Looking through Section 8 of the California Driver’s handbook, there is a common theme connecting issues such as recognizing blind spots and dark roads—impediments to awareness, otherwise known as “impaired driving”.  DMVEdu.org defines impaired driving as “one of the leading causes of preventable road deaths. It can result from alcohol, drugs, fatigue, or distraction.  It affects drivers of all ages and experience levels.”  However, impairment means something a little different for me.

I never forgot what my friend Dylan said to me once during a driving lesson: “A safe driver is an aware driver” (as opposed to a cautious one as I had thought).  Struggling with diagnosed Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, I was used to living a life of constant caution; however, awareness was a different kind of lesson to learn.  OCD makes staying in the present moment a near-monumental task as your mind is continuously spiraling with a variety of fears, doubts, “what-if” scenarios, and self-judgements.  And with a task as risk-prone as driving is, getting into the driver’s seat is synonymous with bouts of overthinking and second-guessing, pulling you away from staying present on the road.  This serves as both a strength and a weakness.  On the one hand, it's important to have a healthy fear of the road as one critical error can mean the difference between driving home or being carried away in an ambulance.  But on the other hand, with there being so many things to keep track of ranging from speed limits to blinkers, someone with OCD may easily begin to feel a need to be aware of a hundred different factors at once, freezing them in a kind of “analysis paralysis” and making it hard to make confident and quick decisions.  Realizing this after getting behind the wheel, I recognized my mental health condition could be an impairment if I allowed my mind to give into anxieties instead of remaining aware.

Even though not everyone may struggle with a mental health condition that affects their focus or have an issue with driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs, many other things can affect someone’s awareness, making them an impaired driver.  Things many Americans face on a day-to-day basis such as stress, a constantly buzzing phone, or even just a plain bad day can be enough to pull a driver’s attention away from the road.  Because driving is something many rely on on a daily basis, it is easy to take it for granted; however, as my friend Dylan also said: “Driving is a privilege, not a right”.  Having twenty five years’ experience in the passenger’s seat, I have first-hand knowledge of many the possible challenges drivers’ face whenever they drive.  So many surprising factors such as busy traffic, getting cut off by another driver, or a jaywalking pedestrian (all of which are prevalent living in Los Angeles county) can throw a curveball into one’s commute.  If someone is already struggling with an impairment that day, being unable to remain in control of your wheel by making smart decisions will become especially difficult.  Accidents are all too easy to make and unfortunately commonplace in our day and age, so the costs of making unwise decisions on the road are high.  Unfortunately, I got an experience of this firsthand when a little over a month ago, my boyfriend and I were victim to a rear-end collision from a speeding driver.  Although it served as a dramatic wake-up call to just how dangerous driving can be–something to soberly remember when I am behind the wheel–it did not make my anxious mind any less prone to scary “what-if” scenarios.  Still dealing with the trauma from the event, I need to continue to recognize how that stress affects the way I perceive my surroundings and shift to staying calmly a step ahead of what’s in front of or behind me.  From this, I or any other driver who has experienced such an accident can learn to avoid the mistake the other driver made by being aware of the speed limit and any pressures that may be tempting us to go faster on the road than what is safe.  

Last year, I had a formal driving instructor give me behind the wheel lessons for four hours.  Although I can say that I learned with her help, the sudden transition of never driving before to going on residential and main streets was like throwing a fish into the air.  The sudden responsibility of driving without having any foundational experience made me feel more inadequate than I already did trying something new for the first time.  For some, having such concise and direct instruction may be just what they need to prepare themselves for taking a driver’s test, but for someone who struggles with confidence, it can leave them thinking “Is that all? I need more.”  I almost decided to take my driver’s test last year, but I am grateful I didn’t and instead renewed my learner’s permit.  Working alongside my friend Dylan one hour a week throughout this year, I was allowing myself to breathe and ask, “Okay, what do I really have to learn in order to become a more confident driver?”  Because my friend understood my unique challenges, he was able to teach me the skills I needed to learn in progression.  We first began driving in circles in an empty mall parking lot where I got acquainted with the vehicle and built up a foundational muscle memory making turns, adjusting speed, and parking.  This helped boost my confidence before we moved on to residential streets and then finally to main streets.  I had the pacing I needed to learn how I was getting better and also what my own struggles were.  In a way, my journey learning to drive became synonymous with my own personal growth, becoming a more trusting, confident person not only on the road but also in my own mind.  

My father told me that when it came to driving, I had to make decisions on the road like they were instinct, like “making a meal you’ve made many times before.”  Although there is still more I need to learn, he reminded me of what many drivers neglect to understand when they first begin to take to the wheel: that driving is like having a second job.  Like many actual jobs, driving is something people do almost every day.  They have to train for the skills that are required of them to show up ready to perform the tasks given every time they go behind the wheel.  Over time and trial and error, I was able to learn what impaired driving looked like for me and how to become a more aware driver.  Although many may not learn the same way I do, I encourage everyone to really take the time to become educated about how impaired driving may relate to them whether it be in the form of stress, a pressing time limit, or antsy children in the backseat.  Taking impaired driving seriously through personal education–whether that be experiential, with the help of a formal instructor, or traffic school–is taking life seriously.  A behind the wheel test lasts only fifteen minutes, but truly learning how to drive takes far longer.