November 17th, 2016 versus April 26th, 2024. Any other person would say these two days have nothing in common. However, to me, the only thing different about these two days, across the span of 8 years, is the emotions that came with receiving the same, reoccurring news. 
My emotions that followed with the news did not differ because I loved one more than the other. My emotions differed because on November 17, 2016, I did not expect the news and on April 26th, 2024, I did expect the news.
Death, I have learned, is an inevitable experience. No one is exempt from death, not one person can see into the future how they will die. But, one can make choices that withhold death from themselves and from others.

For the first nine years of my life, my biggest fear was nowhere close to death. I worried if Santa Claus was going to leave me coal for Christmas, if I was going to make friends in the 2nd grade after moving across Texas, or if my teammates would make fun of me for forgetting my soccer socks and having to wear my shin guards bare.

However, on November 17th, 2016, the unexpected happened.  Suddenly, my previous worries felt small compared to the event that had taken place. I was left confused and angry, not understanding why it had to be her. I wished for more time with her and craved to have at least said goodbye. From that day on, I was consumed by the idea of losing someone again and feared only death. 

It wasn’t until her visitation when my heart sank to the bottom of my stomach. Once I walked up to her casket and saw the made-up version, the once living body, every memory I had of her left my brain. 

After November 17th, 2016, I began to worry if I was valuing time enough. Whether that was with my friends, my parents, or siblings. This sudden, unexpected loss did not just take away one of the most important women in my life, but forced me to face the harsh truth that death is unavoidable and unfair. As I got older, the certainty for death to show up again continued to trap me,  swallowing me in anxiety until that feeling passed temporarily.  

Then, on April 26th, 2024, the expected became reality. My previous fear instantly dissolved and the bubble of anxiety that had been following me around since November 17th, 2016 popped. 

Once again, at his visitation, my heart sank to the bottom of my stomach, even further than before. Every memory I had of him vanished into thin air as if I had just been born, with no prior experiences.

Unexpected versus expected. November 17th, 2016 versus April 26th, 2024. The events that occurred on these two days, across the span of 8 years did not just confront me with the reality of losing someone, but they forced me to recognize how important the choices we make are and how big of an impact they can play on others.

On November 17th, 2016, my grandma died due to the actions of another individual. When an individual gets into a car and is impaired, a choice has already been made. And because I have been one to experience the aftereffects of impairing driving, I know now how even more important it is to make good choices, especially behind the wheel. 
I understand that when I am behind the wheel, I don't just have my life to worry about, but I also have the life of other individuals, grandmas, family members, friends, siblings, whoever is on the road with me. 
I think that is why the emotions were so different when I received the news on November 17th, 2026 versus April 26th, 2024. My grandma made no choice in driving impaired, leading to an unexpected death. My grandpa's death was expected. I was left with anger because it was not her. It was someone else. Their impaired driving led to taking life. 
I never want to be in that situation to make a choice that leads to death. So when I drive, I think about those around me. I think of my grandma and the happiness she brought to me and my life. I am responsible. Driving impaired doesn’t just mean driving with alcohol or drugs in an individual’s system, it can also mean just texting while driving. When I drive, my notifications on my phone are silenced as I understand how quickly I get distracted when someone texts me. 

Driving impaired isn’t just a choice. It’s an action that will affect others and their lives. 

And while I cannot bring my grandma back, I can help prevent others from going through what I did after November 16th, 2017 through a choice. My choice to not drive while impaired.